December 21st, 2015: Snack Review: Brain Blasterz Brain Cellz
Posted by Gravecat at 12:26 pm under Snack Reviews. Comment?

Brain Blasterz Brain Cellz Well, shit. It’s about time I got some more content for this blog, and under the guise of spending far too much money on assorted snacks from Asda, I’ve decided to kick things off with a continuation of my snack reviews series! As you may or may not know, I’m a notorious snack fiend, and I’m going to apply some of my expertise with snacks to these short reviews, covering some weird and obscure crap I find going cheap on supermarket shelves.

It was hard to resist the call of these “Brain Cellz” from Brain Blasterz, especially given their warning signs and taunting nature, informing me that they are “MEGA SOUR” and “NOT FOR ยท BABIES”. I had to check to be sure, but I’m fairly certain I’m too old to be considered a baby, so with some apprehension, I dove right in.

The first thing to note is that the “cellz” pictured on the packet do not actually match the reality by any stretch of the imagination. What looks to be vividly-inked, somewhat porous lumps actually turn out to be pastel-coloured offerings which I’d describe loosely as fat, square Skittles, with an inoffensive and ever-so-vague fruity scent. The “assorted fruit flavour” turns out to be five distinct shades — baby blue (I counted six of these), washed-out pastel green (four), an uninteresting shade of pale maroon (three), an unremarkable tangerine orange hue (three) and a fairly typical banana yellow (five). The reality of likely disappointment already strong, I decided it was time to plough on and get these cheap-looking candies up in my chomper.

Starting with the purple-ish shade (because reasons), the first thing I noticed is that they’re not nearly as solid and crunchy as I’d expect, instead offering a thin, sugary shell around a remarkably soft and slightly chewy innard. The initial flavour is sweet, chemical candy fruit, followed by what I can only assume is the apparent “mega sour” burst a moment later, something that’s honestly no more or less mouth-puckering than Skittles Crazy Sours or similar. I couldn’t honestly tell you what fruit the purple was supposed to be, but I’d guess it was perhaps trying to be sour cherry. Disappointing yet not unpleasant. I moved onto the orange-hued offerings next.

The first thing I noticed about the orange variety is that the level of sourness is significantly higher — perhaps not necessitating the yellow-and-black hazard stripes, but enough to make me feel like I’ve gotten an adequate dose of sourness amidst the sweet, faux-orange fruit flavour. The second thing I noticed was the lingering taste of plastic that accompanied the orange.

On to the blue, and perhaps I’d chosen the correct order of progression, because the sourness is really kicking up a notch here. Still nothing that’d get the police coming around to your house at five in the morning, but it’s something. The flavour is again indeterminate, possibly blue raspberry, and largely overpowered by the sugary taste and heavy dose of sourness. There’s another strange aftertaste to the blue sweets that lingers at the sides of the tongue, something that tastes distinctly chemical and not particularly pleasant. Thus far, the blues are the only offering that I could consider worthy of the “MEGA SOUR” claim, though the word “mega” as an adjective is forever tainted in my mind.

Yellow next, and we’re back to the territory of inoffensive blandness, these ones bearing a striking resemblance in flavour and mouth-feel to green Skittles — so similar, in fact, that I won’t even describe them further.

Finally, the greens seem to complete a full circle, offering a fairly pleasant artificial apple flavour (not too dissimilar from actual green apples) and a sourness about as significant as that of the purples, which is to say, it might make a newborn baby grimace and demand to speak to the manager.

Overall, I’d say Brain Cellz are pretty middling, but largely saved by their inexpensive price tag. They won’t be winning awards any time soon, but you could certainly do worse as far as sour sweets go.

C: Average


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